Title-free since yesterday

Kody might be the biggest pain in my ass but when i pee and see a tennis ball by the toilet, i smile.

This dog has infiltrated every pore of my life...dog hair in my bed, car, coffee, coat, eyeball and his toys are under the couch, in the garage, the washing machine and spa...his teeth marks are on my shoes & flip-flops, laundry baskets and the like. Where ever I look, I see Kody. And I know I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, funny, entertaining, solid being in my life. He makes me laugh, feel less lonely, warm and gay (for lack of a better word) so his present to me on this Christmas Day is simply him.

And that is the BEST present I have ever received...

Merry Christmas Kody and a special Merry Christmas to those that love you too :)

Kody says....reluctantly

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

oh.my.god.

This is what I got Kody for Christmas...shhh....don't tell him. BUT, this will make YOU salivate until i get the video of him enjoying it...

http://www.buygodoggo.com/seemovie.html

911!

You know how there are dogs that would actually call 911 if their owners were in danger? Or the ones that drag their unconscious owners out the door and bark like mad til rescue?

I knew mine would not do that. In fact, I played 'dead' tonight. laying on the floor in what he might not know is my last breath and guess what his biggest concern was?

see that shit behind the rocking chair? saying "bitch, you might not feel well but where's my ball?"

whoa...yes it's us!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, my favorite 3 people; but, maybe if you sent me $150,000 for each post, I'd be more motivated?

Anyway, enough about me...it was Kody's birthday last week. He turned 9, which according to seomthing i read somewhere that's one year at 7 and 8 years at 5. 47. that fuckers' finally older than me :)

but he can still move....

PICTURE OF BAD DOG ON MY SHEEEEETS!

Y'all know how much I love this dog, right? But can i say i HATE his hair??? It's on my sheets, my floors, my tupperware, my toothbrush, my bicycle seat, my water bottle tip, my vodka bottle...it's every where. I've thought of shaving him; but, he would kill me in my sleep. I'm sure of it. I've thought of wrapping him in saran wrap but he would get skinner than me.

But instead...do you know what I do? I love him. I love him no matter what. I love him even though I wake up every day with 2 to 4 hairs in my sleeping mouth. I love him when he growls at me if I move him off my bed, I love him when he nips me because he's so excited, I love him when he lays his arm in his car window while i drive so that passerbys can laugh and point, I love him when he bugs me while I try to meditate, I love him when he brings me a shoe everytime I come home or my friends come over, I love him when he actually wants some love! If anything this dog has taught me, it has been how to love unconditionally. I mean i've learned to love a fucking hairy, big-ass, obnoxious, selfish, self-centered dog.

But you know what else I've learned? That when he leaves me, I will yearn for hair, I will yearn for that nip, and I will yearn for all his signals that we've understood together over our years.

Kody? you better live another 22 years or I will kill you.

Dreams...

I had a dream last night that I was looking for Kody. It was kind of a warish zone and I knew he could be in danger. While I was taking off to go find him someone told me he had been killed. I saw a vision of his destroyed body and knew he was dead. They guy who told me that Kody had been killed continued to talk to me; but, i was preparing my body for a wail. And it was a heart-wrenching, weird-ass wail that came from deep within my soul. And I cried and cried and everyone in my dream just went away because all i could see & feel was my pain.

I woke up and my boy was next to me snoozing peacefully. And all was well within my world.

I cannot imagine my life without him; nor, do i want to.

I love you, you little fucker.

Just one...

...of his many admirers....

Peek a boo....

My mom's keeping me under wraps...

Fuuuuuuuuuuudge...

I took a gazillion pictures of Kody demolishing a Diet Rite Cola box and accidentally deleted them all. Ahh...but my Boy is always ready for the next shot.

Right after I got over my depression of losing such funny shots I looked at him sprawled on the hallway floor and thought 'I'll just take a lame pix and say "whoa...look at my baby..ain't he great?"' but while I was taking the picture he kept looking at his ball. That's my baby asshole...it's never about me being upset that I'm upset...it's about him wanting.

Wanting so badly for someone to kick that damn ball. And i captured it....on film. Annie Lebovitz...here i come.

HA HA!

I love messing with Kody. It's now my ongoing lifes goal since I have no others.

I came home to work out today and I've discovered the ONLY way to keep Kody occupied is to fill his food bowl and leave it on the counter. I can work out and he'll stay in the kitchen guarding his bowl in case it floats down on to his 'table'.

But being the asshole I've raised him to be, he started barking. He had had enough and luckily i was done my workout. but I decided before i'd feed him i'd tease him...


I've moved the bowl to entice him...

The old "Hey Look! It's up here" trick works every time.

Slide it to the right...

and the ever-so-it's-almost-mine move...

come on Kody...GO FOR IT!

I DARE YOU!!

The sly look as if he doesn't really see it...

Nope. I'm not looking!

Oh that??

Ha ha! he thinks he won....

...actually he did.

My boy. xoxox

Justice

For all the shit this dog puts me through, I get to give a little back.

and you will LIKE IT!

My Phelps

Kody went swimming all day Saturday. Lucky Bastard. I love it, though, becuase this is him all day Sunday...

great...

mommy drinky again...

ha ha!!

I love this artsy fartsy pix because you can see Kody in the background BEHIND the very clothes hamper he chewed:

Not the best pix, im sorry...but you get the gist.

i LOVE him...

Unfortunately, today I'm quite hungover. Kody knows when i'm hungover and that I'm going to call in sick. (we'll discuss my disease like never) And even though i'm hurting, i can't help but play with him for at least an hour.

You'd think it'd be boring simply slapping him in the face, butt and grabbing his feet...pinching him underneath the covers while he tries franticly to find my hand to bite it; but, it's not.

Another thing i love to do is raise my hand high, over his head, and vary the speed to which it will come down and grab his snout. While i was doing this & cracking up over his face, i had to get my camera. the first shot is really blurry but you can see my hand and you can see the massive whites of his eyes as he tries to watch my hand without me knowing...hahhahaha I LOVE that fucker!

xoxo

where's kody?

i'm not sure which one has more hair...kody or the rug?

His prize...

and laying claim to his precious....

This mouth...

...it kisses and burps.

His favorite spot...

...on my bed. and on my sheets. bastard. ears are back in preparance for a beating.

I suck.

How are we ever going to become famous if I can't write every day? You think New York Times would be forgiving of that? I think not...anyway, now that my head is getting clearer and i'll have more time, I will so work on this blog! (i should just shut up)

and here's the little devils patronizing look that screams "we'll see....".

I'm sorry...

..i haven't posted in a while. my life is in a very weird spot right now...but i love how people do care that i don't post about Kody so I DO thank you for that! Robin, Donna, Beth, Carrie, Debby, Michelle, Meggy...so i scraped (scrapped?) the bottom of the bowl and came up with these:

Viggo Mortensen gone wrong

Kody has to be in the middle of EVERYTHING! so when i was trying to do this shot, he had to just get in on it...here's the succession of knowing he's coming.

and here he is being killed.

Can I just say...

....he is simply the love of my life?

Another cute pix

Kody has perfected the "I'm so darling" look because it rewards him most times. At this unfortunate time for him, I was drinking wine and I don't share my wine.

That's what I LOVE about Kody...

...he's so level-headed.

First pool party of the summer!

Kody loves Janet for many reasons; but, the TOP reason is she has a pool.




He does this funny thing that when he doesn't want to jump in for what EVER crazy reason, he tries to "pull" the ball to him by using his foot. Is it me or is my dog a GENIUS!



Uh oh...dilemma...however will he get out!




Another Genius move, i must say....




This is what we get when we don't throw the ball right away...a very pathetic staring-at-the-ball look. (well..he glanced up when he saw the camera)



We party and play cards while Kody wears himself out. He will literally keep going until he is near death and then even a little more.


It's hard to tell when he's over-done it becuase he won't show any pain until later on in the evening when the stiffness creeps in and then the next day when he can barely move.

But, now in his later years, when I make him rest...he doesn't seem to mind.




Betsy, on the other hand, NEVER minds resting.


Here's to Summer of 2008!

*ucker.

Kody almost got hit by a bus today.

I take him to the baseball park every once in a while to throw the ball for him. I don't do it much anymore because he's 7 and he's big.

I've been doing this for 5 years now.


Today, he decided something was worth investigating across the street that he had to check out at full speed.


I usually goof around while I wait for Kody to get the ball and when I was done goofing, I looked at him just in time to see him running across the street while a bus is coming towards him at about 35mph.


I could only scream the only deep guttural scream I own and try to keep myself from passing out. I couldn't tell where Kody was in relation to the bus but neither one met. As he ran back, a car was coming from the other direction...Utter chaos...him running in the street, me running in the street screaming like a white trash mother who's lost control of her kids....


I tried so hard not to beat him; but, i really wanted to. Instead, I grabbed him by the scruff of his big-ass neck and screamed at him like he understood what I was saying.


For his punishment, his park visit was cut short and he had to stay in the garage for 15 minutes while I calmed down.


Fear of loss is why I hate being in love....

Yay!

Kody LOVES my new comforter